Ending Loneliness Through Intergenerational Friendship

---

“There’s a vulnerability in growing older. We want to be treated with respect, to be seen as individuals, not just our age. Friendship—true friendship—that offers a safe, secure space. It reminds us that we are still valued, still capable of sharing, laughing, and being understood.”

M.McLaifefartaigh

🎧 Prefer to listen? You can enjoy the audio version of this story here. Perfect if you're on the go or simply feel like listening instead of reading.

---

What wisdom and stories do older individuals hold that we too often overlook—and how can we create a world that truly values and includes them?

Over the years I’ve become more aware of people sitting alone or food shopping for one, needing help with their bags or to cross the street. I’ve seen faces brighten up from a single ‘Hello’ and openness in people when taking time to listen to things they’d like to share.

Just noticing these moments has made me realise the importance of feeling seen and heard, and even more so as we get older.

I’d love to share a story with you about an unexpected friendship between my dear friend Micheál, a retired teacher and 85 years young, and I, 41 years old.

One afternoon in November 2022, I stopped by a local café in London to sit in my favourite window seat and do some work.

On this particular day, I sat next to a kind gentleman, looking rather smart in his black beret, quietly reading a book. I thought I’d be polite and say hello, considering I was going to be his neighbour for the next hour or so.

After sitting for a while, I asked him what he was reading, it was a book he’d bought from a local charity shop by one of his favourite Irish authors. We talked more about the book and then moved on to what I was working on.

Our conversation blossomed into a discussion about mindfulness and selfcare – nurturing love and compassion for oneself – as well as our hobbies and interests. We talked about all sorts and found we had lots in common!

It was evident that Micheál had a real zest for life and with no intention to slow down any time soon. I loved hearing his stories and was amazed at how many hobbies he has, from long walks by the coast and meditation, to tending to his allotment and nurturing his beehive.

We met up again a few days later, in the same café, for a coffee and cinnamon bun, which has since become a bit of a tradition. Three years on, we’ve been on day trips in London, to meditation classes and the movies. We message and call each other to check in, sharing updates on what we’ve been up to, deep and meaningful chats and often fall into fits of laughter about something!

Micheál has enriched my life so much—it feels like he’s been part of my world for far longer than the years we've known each other. At no point have I seen him as an old person, he’s a great listener and mentor, has a wonderful sense of humour and boundless words of wisdom. Micheál has influenced me to be more compassionate, understanding and respectful towards others and most importantly towards myself.

It’s hard to imagine my life without our friendship, and I’m so glad I made a Mindful Move to say hello.

Micheál’s side of our story…

Our initial meeting was as Cerrie described. I was sitting in a café in my cosy little cocoon, drinking a coffee and reading ‘Brooklyn’ a book by Colm Tóibín a favourite author of mine. I’d just bought it from the Oxfam shop across the road.

This young woman arrives, sets up her laptop and from her sparky energy and organised manner there was little doubt that she had work on hand. I didn’t find her presence intrusive; she greeted me in a friendly manner and was curious about the book I was reading. Our conversation and sharing took off from there. I was delighted to hear about her work and it involved working with people, supporting and helping them to reflect on their life choices. Encouraging and guiding them to make choices of lifestyle which led to a more fruitful and happier path.

There was a certain mirroring of my life when I worked as a teacher and counsellor in London. The energy and dedication my work demanded. There were happy and fulfilling memories but also doubts and difficult situations. Here was a person two or three generations younger who had aspirations, dedication and vision of what her work could achieve.

At this point I had a decision to make; do I continue with the conversation or return to my book. I’ve often had the experience when I’ve struck up an intergenerational conversation like this that after a while it dries up. The personal experiences don’t bridge the generational gap. I’m an 85 year old friendly Irishman who loves a chat! But in situations like this my physical age seems to determine how people interact with me—I slip into the 'old person' category, and the depth of my experiences goes unseen.

But friendship isn’t about age; it’s about connection. With Cerrie, I wasn’t just an ‘older person’—I was a friend, someone with stories, wisdom, and a life still being lived.

The source of friendship is in the heart. There is of course a vulnerability there but allowing it to grow and develop is such a wonderful gift.

I would like to include here a poem by one of my favourite poets, Mary Oliver:

Loneliness

I too have known loneliness.

I too have known what it is to feel misunderstood, rejected, and suddenly not at all beautiful.

Oh Mother Earth, your comfort is great, your arms never withhold.

It has saved my life to know this.

Your rivers flowing, your roses opening in the morning,

Oh, motions of tenderness!

Mary Oliver proclaims the healing power of nature, but I would also include the healing power of friendship. It’s empathy and compassion restore again the beauty and individuality of a person. In my friendship with Cerrie, I feel there is an added quality. There may be a gap of generation but the equality of shared experiences, to talk, share, laugh, meet friends is the opposite of rejections and being misunderstood.

I grew up in a fishing community and the function of the lighthouse was of utmost importance. It was a presence and guide bringing the fishermen back to their harbour, family and community. I see this friendship serves a similar function for me. It protects me from the isolation of old age. It’s a presence which connects me to the culture and lived experience of another generation.

Cerrie has given a description of our shared activities, the richness and enjoyment we both get from them. Yes, I am 85 years of age and physically may need support occasionally, but that doesn’t affect the quality of our relationship. It may even add to it as her empathy in being supportive allows me to enjoy an element of care and safety.

There’s a vulnerability in growing older. We want to be treated with respect, to be seen as individuals, not just our age. Friendship—true friendship— that offers a safe, secure space. It reminds us that we are still valued, still capable of sharing, laughing, and being understood.

Why It Matters

These days, people rarely strike up conversations just for the sake of connection. Assumptions about age differences, lack of common ground, or hidden motives get in the way.

Society often overlooks older individuals, seeing them as having lived their lives, slowing down, and losing interest. But as I’ve seen with my family and Micheál, that couldn’t be further from the truth. While pace or ability may change; passions, curiosity, and the love of conversation remain.

There’s a real vulnerability in getting older—friendship and connection don’t become less important. Micheál once told me he never thought he’d make new friends at his age. I realised how true that must be, and that many more people may feel that way too.

So, I encourage you to slow down. Look out for people. Time is precious, but giving time is priceless. Next time you see someone sitting alone or in need of some help, say hello. You never know what kind of friendship and richness might be waiting.